I am hitting crisis point now. I have real issues with baby Friday’s clothing. I want him to be a “grunge baby!” I want him to wear labels like Prada, Gucci and Ted Baker (I love Ted Baker!) but have to make do with baby Gap and Jo Jo Maman Bebe! Spiking his hair up is an absolute must, but he also has enough for a French crop a la Noel Gallagher. Footwear is not so much of a problem as he only wears socks or trousers with the foot insert at the bottom at the moment, but when he does, I feel a pair of Patrick Cox loafers coming on, and a pair of Nike air trainers for his more casual look as well as a pair of ted baker slippers for lounging around in. Is there anything wrong with this? Is there anything wrong with trying to install a fashion sense at 9 months old? Of course there is but I don’t care! And neither does baby Friday more importantly. You could dress babies in absolutely anything and they obviously would not realise, I believe this to be cruel! It is my duty as a responsible adult and parent to ensure that my child has a sense of style and shallow superficiality. When it comes to getting dressed time there are usually two or three outfits laid out. The styling process then begins. Matching colours is an absolute must. Men aren’t usually any good at this and I was no exception. I can quite comfortably state now however, that after the relevant training course provided by baby Friday’s mother following numerous failed attempts at trying to pass off my horrendous mismatches as a kind of progressive trend setting statement, that I am now the ultimate fashion stylist and should be advising on such matters on daytime television. This is all very time consuming though and requires a lot of thought, so I am not sure that I would be able to cope with styling two babies at once, and it is this thought that makes me quite pleased that baby Friday is an only child at the moment. Again this might seem a bit shallow but can you imagine that fighting that would go on over my GQ and Arena magazines? It doesn’t bear thinking about does it?
Ok, I admit it. I have a Man bag! Well it’s a bababing change bag actually. Shaped like a laptop case come DJ record bag, it allows me to wander around with nappies, wipes, nappy sacks, wallet and iPod all cunningly concealed under a piece of luggage that is the epitome of urban cool! Well, it’s not so obviously a baby change bag at least. Some people do have to ask “is that your laptop you’ve got there?” as they’re not sure quite why you would have a laptop whilst walking with your child around the supermarket. The urge to reply “yep, working on a huge project! Worth millions! Can’t be offline for second!” is incredibly tempting. But the reply with a timid chuckle is usually “no, no laptop! Just nappies!” and off I wander down the pet food aisle. It’s all about the image. Whilst I would love to think that carrying this man bag would alter people’s view of me as a full time Dad, baby, cuddles, cotton wool, feeding, dirty nappies etc, into, full time Dad, cool, stylish, sleek, changes nappies with a click of the finger, it sadly does not. At a recent family get together where a particularly blunt speaking Uncle of mine was in attendance, the question of the use of the bag was raised. After explaining the REAL use of the bababing to my Uncle with relevant demonstrations, he just stared straight at me over the top of his glasses, face like he was trying to turn me to stone and said “you f*%*ing tart!” Now I know the world is not full of my uncle’s, however, this did highlight for me in one foul mouthed phrase, that I seem have a need to try and somehow hide the fact that I carry a change bag for Baby friday, something which is really not optional. “Embrace the change bag for what it is!” is my new mantra! This does stop at me casting off my bababing and using Baby Friday’s Mum’s bag though, for that is pink, and I dread to think what my Uncle’s response to that would be!?….