I am hitting crisis point now. I have real issues with baby Friday’s clothing. I want him to be a “grunge baby!” I want him to wear labels like Prada, Gucci and Ted Baker (I love Ted Baker!) but have to make do with baby Gap and Jo Jo Maman Bebe! Spiking his hair up is an absolute must, but he also has enough for a French crop a la Noel Gallagher. Footwear is not so much of a problem as he only wears socks or trousers with the foot insert at the bottom at the moment, but when he does, I feel a pair of Patrick Cox loafers coming on, and a pair of Nike air trainers for his more casual look as well as a pair of ted baker slippers for lounging around in. Is there anything wrong with this? Is there anything wrong with trying to install a fashion sense at 9 months old? Of course there is but I don’t care! And neither does baby Friday more importantly. You could dress babies in absolutely anything and they obviously would not realise, I believe this to be cruel! It is my duty as a responsible adult and parent to ensure that my child has a sense of style and shallow superficiality. When it comes to getting dressed time there are usually two or three outfits laid out. The styling process then begins. Matching colours is an absolute must. Men aren’t usually any good at this and I was no exception. I can quite comfortably state now however, that after the relevant training course provided by baby Friday’s mother following numerous failed attempts at trying to pass off my horrendous mismatches as a kind of progressive trend setting statement, that I am now the ultimate fashion stylist and should be advising on such matters on daytime television. This is all very time consuming though and requires a lot of thought, so I am not sure that I would be able to cope with styling two babies at once, and it is this thought that makes me quite pleased that baby Friday is an only child at the moment. Again this might seem a bit shallow but can you imagine that fighting that would go on over my GQ and Arena magazines? It doesn’t bear thinking about does it?