I am absolutely fuming! Baby Friday has uttered what will be deemed to be his first word! I should be over the moon with enjoyment but I’m not. For that word is Mum!?! Or mamamum to be precise. It’s not really in any context yet but how dare he? Here I am slaving away over a hot nappy on a daily basis, washing, cleaning, de-snotifying and displaying the highest levels of teething tolerance known to humanity, and the little s**t’s first word is Mum! My snide response is, oh well, absence makes the heart grow fonder!! but that would be a bit unfair to hardworking Mummy. It isn’t her fault that after hours and days of me trying pound the words Dad and Daddy into his head, he obviously had an adverse reaction to the pressure heaped upon him to perform and blurted anything out to try and appease! A moment of madness one might say. Others, however, might use this as proof that people (babies) will say anything when being tortured. Perhaps his cuddly toys will be charged with being complicit?
All this does not bode well for when we start trying to get him to translate the complete works of Plato from Latin, into French, then into mandarin, before his second birthday. Perhaps a stint in boarding nursery would do him good!? Regimented discipline! Teach him how to deal with the different stresses life throws at him. Teach him to be independent. It could also possibly teach him a few and far more important words other than mum! Like Dad, obviously, and give (me), mine (everything), hello (aren’t I cute?) and please (you will give it to me!) Failing that, we could always try a stint in the armed forces. That’s shocking I hear you say! It’s Character building is my response! I know they are trying to outlaw and stop the practice of using children as soldiers in some developing, war torn countries, and I totally agree, it’s the training I think would do him good. Thinking about it and all joking aside, it is actually a blessing that Mum is his first and as yet only word. Who will he call out for in the middle of the night?