After much consideration, I have come to the conclusion that I am a domestic god! My reason for this is quite simple, if I do not tell myself this, no one else will. Having stopped full time employment in April 2011, I have simply transferred my keen organisational abilities into my day to day domestic operations. At least that is what I would like you to believe. To wash, clean, cook and nurture child at the same time is an amazing test of human capabilities that far exceeds anything that the corporate world can chuck at you. Especially if things go wrong, for example, you cannot put a teething child that has had Calpol and Dentinox, and is still screaming at you, on performance management. To instigate disciplinary proceedings for ripping out the pages of books instead of reading them, would probably be ignored, and the chances of getting them summarily dismissed for gross misconduct are negligible at best. No, this is indeed like having to deal with the ultimate empowered militant. There can be no performance reviews that start with the line “how do you feel things are going?” continue with “talk me through your day?” and end with the overly sympathetic “so that’s why I’m marking you down as having clear development needs!”
None of this is possible. You need to have the man management skills that only the top business schools would be paid fortunes for. You need to be able to tease, ease and tempt your child into your way of thinking, and you need to do this without the luxury of handing over the issue to the HR department. Currently I am reviewing baby Friday’s progress towards my target of walking before his first birthday, as this has now passed and he isn’t running around like a gazelle, he has clearly failed in this objective. The review is focused around whether or not baby Friday was supplied with the correct tools in order to complete the task? The review is ongoing and the results will be published at a later date, this is partly due to the fact that I am in the process of carrying out a restructure of the catering department.